The symbol shall move me more than what it symbolizes
Abstractions would move me more than the real..
The essence of things elude me for the expression excites me..
And I'd rather see my life as a grand design..
"..Maybe a divine plan!
A grand construct!
With the tiniest details building up to a grand crescendo-
And all of this chiseled, indeed, by God himself!.."
But I'll miss life as it occurs-
I'll miss the birds chirping and I'll miss the kids laughing..
I wouldn't be moved by the plight of the man dying on the street..
But a hero dying in an epic would move me-
"..For don't you see! It is beautifully expressed!
He breaks into a heart-rending monologue before he poisons himself!.."
I have thus reduced my world into symbols..
and have thus divorced myself from my world..
With nothing concrete but this vagueness and causeless unease.
And I wouldn't know where this corruption stems from..
When expressions became grand and empty.
When emotions ran dry with my heart thus numbed..
This corruption is tremendous..
It exhilarates me.