The Free will paradox.

So I figure that I function with a free will i never knew existed,

and in this funny explosion of free will,

I figure that I am free.

Now, I would not attempt to explain these funny circumstances,

but I would attempt to assume a free will.

For as I see it,

I can either assume and create

Or i can conclude and resign to what is.

For if I were to conclude (and conclude ruthlessly at that),

I would conclude that I am a puppet and I know not of my master,

I know not of his strings, his will or his ways,

or his supposed 'elaborate divine plan.'

But I might just assume a free will and break free from such a construct anyway..

I, sirs,

may not possess a free will,

but I function with it.

And for all I care (and despite how it all appears)

I am free..

Grey

And barring my inception,

I have been in this funny shade of grey all my life,

And it was here that I (however vaguely) defined myself.

It was here that my world assumed its color,

My thoughts assumed their precision,

And I let go of my cherished assumptions

It was here that the world overwhelmed me

My conscience got foggy for the better,

And uncertainties flooded me.

It was here that I learnt how to love,

My gods became redundant,

And I threw away my crutches.

And it was here that I learnt how to live,

How to flow despite the flow of life,

And how to feel when the world seemed numb.

Can I be moved?..

And under the lights of the heavens above,

on the top of his mountain,

facing all that was considered humanly grand,

there stood a man,

and overwhelmed-not by wonder, but (strangely) by despair,

he wondered..

"Can I be moved?"

He had dismissed his feelings far too easily,

Now he could not feel.

He had questioned his urges far too quickly,

Now he could not move.

He had reasoned far too much,

Now he would not think.

And so, pale in the face of beauty, he wondered,

"Can I be moved?"..

And there he stood-a dead man,unmoved,

searching for his humanness after denying everything that made him human..

Creation

I see a child, young and free,
and he's questioning existence as he questions me.
With his faculties exhausted with sights and sounds and smells,
ranging from steel structures to butterflies and fairy-tales,
he has exhausted himself to freedom.
He has captured awe as I had captured it once..

I smile and i walk with him
and i let the world overwhelm me for once..
I am less able than him, but able nonetheless.

I answer some straightaway,
dodge the technical, weird ones..and am stunned by the others.
I cannot answer them, I have not answered them.
They have eluded me as they have eluded mankind,
as they would elude him and his sons and daughters.

And such was the creator's intent,
to rest in awe and humility,
to seek happiness-not in the answer,
but in the incessant pursuit.

I turn to him
I shrug and I smile and I babble.

Construct

And such is my construct,

magnificent and stupid as yours

painted in my shades, yet not by me.

My island, my self, my refuge and my hell.

But I make sure to clean it often,

its all I can do..

Life comes and leaves away her imprints

I take them all..but i cement some and wash away the others.

Here she comes now..

I am ready.

Beyond me

Apart from a third of my life spent in sweet slumber,

and another few moments spent intoxicated,

I have been with myself all my life,

and yet i lie beyond me.

A summation of forces beyond me,

half of me innately engraved before birth,

the other half formed by random consequence,

and it thus formed me.

And yet, in this funny scheme of things,

somewhere my will somehow figures in,

a tiny spark, ignited by my blood.

So the bird may sing without questioning its voice,

and the madman may dance without rhythm and flow,

but being human, I lie here, in doubt.